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Dealing With Comparison Thinking.

We’re creatives and humans. Everyone deals with comparison. And if they don’t, then they just talk about how they don’t… which means they do. The problem is that we do it to ourselves. We seek out ways to compare ourselves to others. We know how certain things make us feel based on past experience then we just big fat do it anyway. I heard our pastor say this weekend, “Comparison thinking will only leave you feeling one of two ways: Small or Smug.” Neither of those are good.

Jen calls it the Comparison Monster. The Comparison Monster is not on the prowl. It’s not out there waiting for us to come to it so it can pounce. It’s inside of us waiting for us to let it out, to be fed. Once it’s out, it will wreak havoc on your joy.
comparison-monster

So how do we deal with it?

1) Pay attention to triggers.
If you know something is going to send you over into comparison thinking just don’t go there. You wouldn’t go back to a restaurant you got food poisoning at right? If it makes you sick, don’t eat there. If it makes you feel like crap, don’t go there.

2) Don’t be afraid to “Unsubscribe.” (Even in real life.)
Honestly, if something is affecting your life in such away that it’s stealing your joy, it’s time to cut that thing loose. Also, if someone is making you feel like crap all the time, maybe it’s time to cut them loose as well. Pay attention to how people make you feel. And flip it around: Pay attention to how you make people feel.

3) Understand you’re not getting the whole story.
With the internet (Facebook, instagram, twitter) you see part of a story. The part that people allow us to see. The part we don’t see is the struggle, the mess, the clutter, and the stress…. The good parts of a story are always preceded by struggle. But I think the truth that we don’t want to admit is that the struggle is the good part. No one would read a book that started with a happy ending. We need the struggle. We need the wilderness.

4) Let it go.
Thinking we’re better than “they” are is also a poison. Smugness doesn’t look good on anyone. Let it go. Adele Dazeem (aka Idina Menzel) would say the same thing.

5) Don’t compare your success to their success.
I do this a lot. Don’t discount your success by comparing it to someone else’s. It’s not the same and it shouldn’t be.

Let me unpack it even more with things we tell ourselves when we’re comparing, along side the actual truth:

“They have it all together.”– They don’t.

“I could never be that good.”-They don’t think they’re ‘that good’ either. And more so, they probably think you’re better at some things than they are.

“I know I could do a better job than they did.”-Yes, this is the other side of comparison. Don’t let your ego kill your friendships or your joy.

This is not something that’s going to go away, because we’re humans. But we can actively deflate the lies we tell ourselves and just move on. The monster can be tamed. You just have to figure out what he likes to eat and keep it just out of his reach.

Happy Monday, Folks! You’re all awesome.

 

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